Dear Brendan,
October 23, the day that started it all. The day I first saw you, the first day I ever talked to you, and the day I fell in love with you. I knew from the moment I saw you, that you were one day going to be very special to me.
Do you remember when we first started dating? I can still hear you asking me out every day. From that day on I always thought I was going to be the happiest girl in the world. And for a while I was. We couldn't go days without seeing each other or hours without talking. We did everything together and went everywhere together, we were inseparable. Whether we were out with our friends and family, or spending a movie night alone together I knew we were both happy. We could sit in a dark empty room together, and everything would be perfect. We would sit there and talk and laugh. I could tell you everything. I trusted you like I have never trusted anyone before.
I can still remember the day you first said those three words; I love you. I didn't know what to say. I knew how I felt about you, and I knew you made me happier than I had ever been but I knew we were young. I wasn't sure if I should say it back or what I was going to say if I didn't. Until you looked me in the eyes and said, "don't worry Ryan you don't have to say it now if you're not ready but I just want you to know I do love you and you can say it when you feel like you're ready." That was the day I knew how I truly felt about you.
I remember all the times we spent together and those are memories I am going to hold with me for the rest of my life. But along with those amazing memories I have with you, I am never going to forget the nights I spent crying over you. Crying over the words you said to me, the actions you made that kept me up for days. Those words you said hurt me, and you knew it at the time but that never stopped you. Now to this day, the words you said months ago, weeks or even days ago will forever be in the back of my mind. As hard as I try to forget them, I can't. I never thought someone I loved so much could ever hurt me as much as you did.
Here we are now a year later, fighting every other day over something we don't understand. That fun loving relationship we once had, has now turned into a constant struggle to keep our relationship alive. We are young, aren't we supposed to have fun? We aren't supposed to be worrying about fighting, we have the rest of our lives ahead of us. We have so much to look forward to, and right now I just want to have fun.
Was it love at first sight? Back on that October night I probably would have said yes. Now I am not so sure. We went from talking for hours upon hours every day to talking once every couple days. When we are together, we don't look at each other the same. I can feel that strong love we once had for each other slowly drifting away with no one to save it. And to be honest, it's to late even if we tried.
Regards,
Ryan
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